How to Roast a Turkey

First I thaw meat on the counter, in a roasting pan if you have one handy. Some governments and industry bigshots hate this, but it works and can be safe. However you prepare the bird, don't wash the bird -- that just spreads dangerous bacteria everywhere -- and wash your damn hands when you're done. And during. There's nothing worse than those celebrity chefs who play with raw product and then touch everything else in the kitchen, including ready-to-eat food, contaminating everything.
Clean up the counter and everywhere to avoid cross-contamination. Bleach it all. Kidding. No I'm not.
Now some might be thinking what the hell I'm talking about and thats okay. Yes, I may have overindulged on my Flexeril but thats besides the point. See, the point is when this turkey is done you can sit back and enjoy. Kind of to take your mind of the rudderless course the Giants seem to have laid out. Of course no news is better news for keeping LinceCain, but it's also obvious news that Happy Pete will be back, and thats okay. Give him a year or two, I'm almost okay with it. His glove will help tighten up that infield, just bat him eighth. They'll have to pitch to him when it comes down to pitching to Feliz or Lowry. lol.